ANGRY TEEN
Q: I don’t really have a question but wanted to thank you for giving me back my boy. After some communication with you, I brought my 16-year-old son to see you about 1.5 months ago. He and I were always fighting and he told me he wanted to talk to someone because he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t seem to have a good plan for his future, he spent most of his time in his room, and we barely spoke. The other day he told me, on our way to the session that he felt so much better that he didn’t feel a need to return any more. He was talking to me and we were able to laugh together. I’m not sure what you did as it was all confidential, but thank you again for helping us have a positive relationship.
A: It was my pleasure! Your son has clearly received some good parenting as he is a lovely young man, but that was hard to know when we first met. He was angry and did not have a good word to say about anyone, especially you, his mom. What did I do? Well, first I asked some questions and he talked while I listened. He was feeling that he had no control of his life because of some decisions that you had made, and he was scared and feeling unsettled. He did not want to share anything with you because he wanted to feel like he had control. I talked to him about his anger. I taught him some relaxation techniques. In later weeks, he told me how effective he was finding these simple relaxation skills. He talked about his future and his fears and hopes. His anger dissipated when he felt heard and in control and his anxiety lessened when he recognized that I approved of his plan but would not feel sorry for him if he carried out any of his angry thoughts. His sleep improved and I am sure that helped with the other issues.
I could see the change in him weekly. He initially came in sullen and with a cap pulled down over his eyes. Answers were one word. I could feel the anxiety and anger in the room. Six weeks later, the hat was not only gone, he proudly showed me his new haircut and described his report card. I got eye contact and smiles and a wide range of emotion—but no anger. The sullen boy had turned chatty and funny. And the pride in his eyes when he told me that we were done, for now, was why I do this work. So again, thank you for trusting me with your child. As you know, he is a delight.
