Stay out of Divorce Court
Q: My boyfriend and I are planning to get married but we have communication problems. What can we do to ensure our future success?
A: Communication issues are the crux of every problem. I am going to answer by borrowing from Marriage Advice from a Divorce Lawyer from the Huffington Post.
- Ask for what you need. It is not true that “if he really loved me he would know what I need.” The person who does not ask becomes resentful when she does not receive. The partner feels confused and resentful that his efforts do not make her happy.
- Forget Perfect. Don’t marry someone that you cannot live with as they are. Do not assume that you will be able to change them or that you share the same definition of perfect.
- Fairy Tales are not real. Affairs do not exist in reality. Affairs don’t deal with laundry or garbage. Relationships must deal with the realities of life.
- Lower your expectations. Holding grudges and never forgiving or being resentful and setting the bar so high that your partner cannot succeed, is just setting your relationship up for failure. When either of you lose, you both lose.
- Be polite. Don’t treat strangers better than you treat your own loved one.
- The glass is half full. If you can read this, you already have more that many people all over the world. Be grateful. Pass on a positive attitude.
- Choose happiness. You can choose to be happy. You will not be punished for being happy.
- Show compassion. Say you are sorry. Accept your share of responsibility for your spouse’s responses.
- Not everything means something. Sometimes a person not wanting to talk just means they don’t want to talk. It doesn’t mean that they hate you or have someone else.
- Put your partner first and your ego second. If you both support one another and don’t trash the other imagine the results. Knowing that even when you feel bad you still love each other is the foundation of unconditional love. “You have done something I don’t like but I still love and respect you.”
Relationships need work. You both may use the same words but not be speaking the same language. With some guidance you will be set on a path for future happiness.
